What You Do

Dear God, it’s my time, believe me I’m with it
But before I go, forgive me for the times that I didn’t
Use better judgment against the people I shitted
Them young girls I fucked over and the sins I committed
Thought my master plan was hand crafted
Never thought my master plan would backfire and get my own man blasted
Now we both on our way to hell in hand baskets
Screaming fuck the world for telling us we can’t have it
The hoes, prestige and dollar signs
Ready to serve any nigga feeling like he want a part of mine
My conscious would speak to me a lot of times
When I was busy starching up my white collar crimes
The blueprint follow mines, nigga we can go settle it
I got banks in Switzerland and hoes in the Netherlands
That specialize in offshore accounts and embezzlement
So if your dough get tapped, you know where the hell it went
You funny niggas best be going, the dope specialist
Did more pedaling than Greg LeMond
And you ain’t tryna see none of that, a wild thundercat
Tryna outrun my past life but now it’s coming back
And now I’m kneeling, both palms together
Looking for answers and proverbs, psalms, whatever
And when my soul burns in hell, to myself I owe it
Cause money, sex and power was the motive, for real

Power Pack

I’m wandering free. Just living in a dream.

Every day that goes by is the same old shit.

I’m like the captain on a ship with no certain cause.

Only run on a power pack

Round and round we go. You tired yet? I hope not cuz I can prolly go for another 12 rounds if necessary. You’re mistake is that you subscribe to that old adage that nothing can last forever but I don’t know if you noticed, I’m still going. You don’t even have to put a new battery in my back to get it started, they’re rechargeable so come with it. I never tire, never falter, never fail. Remember that when you come back, I certainly will.

You’ll Never Find

You doing some mean frontin’
When I give you a token of my appreciation now, it don’t mean nothing
Can’t call it hateful, it’s ungrateful
Ma, I put you on the map, molded and shaped you
You supposed to thug it out, instead you buggin’ out
If that’s what loves about, I ain’t with that
If I didn’t wanna be with you, I would’ve just hit that
And never call back
That’s my word don’t forget that
I had big plans for better places, better times
But you keep telling me what I’ll never find
Y’know what? Never mind
And it’s always “Your fault, it’s never mine”
Pick a better line
Cuz I don’t know nothin bout us gettin back together again
Boo, never again
Maybe I shouldn’t say never
But in due time I may find something better

Put A Spell On Them

She used to call me late at night

Didn’t take long to see that we were a-alikes

On the same page, just couldn’t get it right

Macintosh of my eye, let me take a megabyte

I cordially invite you to come take a ride in my thoughts

Switch memory lanes while we dreamin, wanderin

And in return I’ll strip my inhibitions

And go skinny dipping in your stream of consciousness

She said it sounds tempting

And I don’t want to catch feelings

But this urge is calling me bad

I said well suga, if ya worried bout catching feelings

Chances are you already have

And there’s no need to deny ourselves

I mean, lie to each other and deprive ourselves

Denial’s not a game I’m prepared to play

So I express things most niggas scared to say

Put a spell on ’em, Forgive me Lord but I’m hell on ’em

Baby we grown folk, So let me longstroke

And send em back to they man with my smell on ’em

Let me be quiet before I tell on ’em

Searching

And they said that I should hang with thugs, bust my gun and hustle drugs. But I’ma keep on searching.

And they said that I shouldn’t look that way and turn my back on that teenage runaway. But I’ma keep on searching.

And they said that I’d killed in the raid, I’m out lookin for a cure for AIDS. But I’ma keep on searching.

Niggas is dead broke, ain’t even got a quarter.

Katrina is everywhere, just without the water.

Hustling is cancer, nothing’s the answer.

Taking penitentiary chances, pumpin for Pampers.

Bricks and the pounds is strictly for outta town cuz whoever still around either starving or they a clown.

That and they hate truth.

Pain is something people relate to.

In that case, shoot up the wake too.

Think I got the layout but I’m still searching for a way out.

They gonna make me bring the AK out.

Either you a lottery pick or you probably spit, as long as the shoe probably fit.

I heard you fucking them bitches, you probably sick.

That’s my word. The hood is like a bottomless pit.

Most don’t make it, rich niggas ratting, the broke niggas hating.

I swear I can’t take it.

Sinners

I’m a nasty, filthy, disgusting, arrogant
Cocky son of a y’know, the word be traveling
And my thoughts unravel when I stopped and got near to ya
And checked out your posterior
Oh Lord it’s so gorgeous, so fine, so thorough
Body like a goddess, it’s out of this world
And I’d do anything to get a piece of it
One taste, one touch, one little squeeze of it
Let me set your body afire and be public
Fulfill your dirty thoughts, yes indeed love it
Not a sex therapist looking for inner peace
I’ma sex terrorist hitting your Middle East
And I know my sins won’t get me to the promised land
And for eternal life my chances ain’t promising
But I’ma find a way to shake these sinner heathens
And take these inner demons out my life, I promise man

A Word

A word says nothing
And at the same time it hides everything
Just as the wind that hides the water
Like the earth that hides the flowers

A look says nothing
And at the same time it says everything
Like the rain on your face
Or an old map; a treasure

A truth says nothing
And at the same time it hides everything
Like a bonfire that cant be extinguished
Like a stone that is born of dust.

If one day I’m gone, I will be nothing
And at the same time Ill be everything
Because in your eyes there are my wings
And the shore where I drown,
Because in your eyes are my wings
And the shore where I drown.

Slow Down

This life will fade away…

So hard to appreciate…

Each moment of each day…

Life’s quick, don’t flip, move slow, you’re rushing it…

Isaiah 59: 1-3

Behold, the Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear. For your hands are defiled with blood, and your fingers with iniquity…

Contrary to popular belief, God doesn’t love all his children unconditionally regardless of their actions. God willl turn his back on you at the drop of a hat and leave you holding the bag. A punishment, if you ask me, far worse than any direct action he could inflict. At my absolute last resort, I have no one to turn to except for this notebook. That’s all well and good seeing that I speak to Hilroy everyday, however, he is incapable of telling me what he thinks or offering another perspective. No, he just soaks up whatever I tell him, ready to remind me of every detail should I ever call upon him to do so. I can’t just wash my hands of the past and walk away from it, I tried that once before and I couldn’t even fool you. No, there are too many broken hearts, hurt feelings and pain behind me to just wash clean but at the same time, I don’t think I deserve to be punished forever. Everyone makes mistakes, I know I’ve made more than my fair share and I know I’ve done some awful things that, if given the opportunity, I’d do again exactly the same way. Listen, I know I’m not a good person but there’s no shame in my game and I can admit as much is true but why does that make me your whipping boy? Now I guess you understand why I don’t believe in God. It’s because I’m not comfortable believing that someone would create something like me.

Yellow Lines

Why is it impossible to notice you’re swerving until you’re already out of your lane? I know that I’m not supposed to be over there but somehow I find myself drifting back over to the left. I better start watching these yellow lines.