Isaiah 59: 1-3

Behold, the Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear. But your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear. For your hands are defiled with blood, and your fingers with iniquity…

Contrary to popular belief, God doesn’t love all his children unconditionally regardless of their actions. God willl turn his back on you at the drop of a hat and leave you holding the bag. A punishment, if you ask me, far worse than any direct action he could inflict. At my absolute last resort, I have no one to turn to except for this notebook. That’s all well and good seeing that I speak to Hilroy everyday, however, he is incapable of telling me what he thinks or offering another perspective. No, he just soaks up whatever I tell him, ready to remind me of every detail should I ever call upon him to do so. I can’t just wash my hands of the past and walk away from it, I tried that once before and I couldn’t even fool you. No, there are too many broken hearts, hurt feelings and pain behind me to just wash clean but at the same time, I don’t think I deserve to be punished forever. Everyone makes mistakes, I know I’ve made more than my fair share and I know I’ve done some awful things that, if given the opportunity, I’d do again exactly the same way. Listen, I know I’m not a good person but there’s no shame in my game and I can admit as much is true but why does that make me your whipping boy? Now I guess you understand why I don’t believe in God. It’s because I’m not comfortable believing that someone would create something like me.